Today, another day of fatigue, I wondered how long this would last and what the recovery period was going to be like with each successive chemotherapy treatment.

I wonder if it's working.

Is my body generating sufficient white blood cells? Will I experience the same side effects or will there be new ones?

I am trying to remain positive about the outcome. But I have begun to imagine what life beyond lymphoma will be like. My third treatment will be May 10 with a possible fourth treatment on May 31. And radiation after. When? I have no idea. And how many of those? 

I do have control issues. And all of this is beyond my control. And much seems to be dependent on the partnership between the chemo cocktail and the reaction of my body.

Spring is proceeding as well without my input or guidance and occurring in a beautiful display. Relax. Notice what is happening. Each day is a revelation.

So I am waiting, like this peony bud, for the right time, the full time, the color-burst time, the healing time.