Waiting

April 09, 2021  •  1 Comment

Today, another day of fatigue, I wondered how long this would last and what the recovery period was going to be like with each successive chemotherapy treatment.

I wonder if it's working.

Is my body generating sufficient white blood cells? Will I experience the same side effects or will there be new ones?

I am trying to remain positive about the outcome. But I have begun to imagine what life beyond lymphoma will be like. My third treatment will be May 10 with a possible fourth treatment on May 31. And radiation after. When? I have no idea. And how many of those? 

I do have control issues. And all of this is beyond my control. And much seems to be dependent on the partnership between the chemo cocktail and the reaction of my body.

Spring is proceeding as well without my input or guidance and occurring in a beautiful display. Relax. Notice what is happening. Each day is a revelation.

So I am waiting, like this peony bud, for the right time, the full time, the color-burst time, the healing time.


Comments

Barbara Crede(non-registered)
Hi John. Thank you for taking us along with you on this journey. As you describe your thoughts and feelings, I recognize them on a much much smaller scale, but they are still very real. After 30 years of MCS and hundreds of comas to struggle through, I understand the control issues and the waiting. And before you posted this one today, I was bargaining with my Covid shot givers yesterday for the reactions I was willing to accept this time around, because the first round was not pleasant at all! So, I am waiting through the fatigue and minimal aches, and I am thankful. So, I lift you up in prayer as do many of your family and friends, hoping they carry you through this strange time. Sending love and hugs too!
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